BRING BACK BRITISH LEYLAND!

WHERE ARE WE?

ROCKBOTTOM.

When Lynsey De Paul & Mike Moran sang ‘Rockbottom’ in 1977’s Eurovision, little did they know that Thatcher was about to become Queen of the Britons, the utilities & unions were about to take a hefty kicking, and our 5 year dalliance with our continent’s Felicite’ and Bonheur were about to be questioned for the first time.
And NOT JUST for the first time!
The Specials were still 4 years away from confirming that our towns were in fact ‘Ghostly’, and that all the clubs & pubs had been closed down.

And what did we do?
We didn’t wallow in the fact that it was Ally’s Tartan Army that headed to The Argentine, and that Trevor Francis & Kevin Keegan were well past their ‘Use-By Date’ (yet another unwanted ‘regulation’ from those fascists in Brussels).
We didn’t storm out of the Song For Europe campaign in an open top bus, promising to shore-up the NHS with gazillions of cash.
We didn’t take those South American World Cup Winners on, before we’d had a ruddy good pop at their scrap metal dealers!

No.
We bounced back with Co-Co’s Bad Old Days in the 1978 contest, and came a respectable 11th!

And did we crumble when Jemini actually DID come bottom in 2003, with the much feted ‘Nul Points’?

No.
We came back at those progressive euro-liberals with their ‘High Happiness Indexes’, and we gave them GREAT British hell with Javine, Scooch, Daz Sampson, and Andy Abrahams!
The country that had given the world The Spice Girls, Oasis, Take That, and Bob the Builder was like a badly scorched Pat Phoenix rising from the ashes of a burnt-out Rovers Return.
We were down.
At the bottom.
(4 times in fact).
And we still had Bonnie Tyler, Blue, and Englebert waiting in the wings………..

So we’ve got the worst figures for Covid infections in Europe?
(Even worse if you take out the ‘Free Countries’, and just focus on NHS-Unfriendly England)?

Being bottom means there’s only one way to go.
We can do this!?
We need to listen, and learn, and get behind a populist/popular figure like Maggie, or Terry Wogan, or Alex Larke out of Electro Velvet.

This isn’t about Covidiots, or Anti-Vaxxers, or The Economy, or Just Eat.
This isn’t about feeding our kids, Premiership kickball players, Daily Mail laptops, or Sir Kier ‘Call Me Sir’ Starmer.

THIS IS ABOUT US!
The GREAT British people!

It’s time to unite.
(Not like the union UNITE with its exclusivity & its membership fees).

But like Grandpa Joe in the United States!
Idealistically, ethereally, fantastically, and American Dreamily.

All we’ve got to do is come together.
Be as one.
And stop pitting local business against flower planters.
Brexiteers against whingey lib-tards or snowflakes.
Yanny against Laurel.
Ant against Dec.

We need to stop demonising over-entitled & uncaring ravers, Primark shoppers, anti-facemaskers, and Laurence Fox.
We need to start embracing one another (within strict distancing guidelines, and ONLY on Christian Feast Days).
We should jettison hindsight & reform, and begin to accept that we are the ‘WORST At Most Things in the Whole World’!

And to paraphrase 2019’s ultimate Eurovision loser Michael Rice:
We need to accept that this whole thing is ‘Bigger Than Us’.

When did YOU last voluntarily wash your hands?

Eurovision: Come Together.
Stay Spaced.
Get It Back.
Build It - And They Will Come.
For Mash Get Smash.
Rub It Out & Start Again…………..