BRING BACK BRITISH LEYLAND!

Our Great 5th-In-Command.

If Grant Shapps wants to take the bally family on vacation (at the correct School Summer Holidaying juncture may I add?), then who are we to stop him?

Having endured the ludicrous Stop/Start shenanigans concerning HS2, the vilification of the Have-A-Go Heroes at Canning Town, who so bravely rescued us from a lifetime of puritannical hell under the yoke of Extinction Rebellion, and finally a bunch of Town Council tree-huggers hellbent on destroying the beautiful vistas of Hertfordshire, and severely reducing house-prices in the Welwyn/Knebworth Golf Course Triangle, I think it’s only ruddy fair that the Shapps Family Jet2 off to a facemask-free country for a well-deserved rest.

I can’t understand why he’d holiday in the mucky pinko EU, but an MP’s salary probably doesn’t allow for a month in Florida with several boarding school brats.
I much prefer spending my PIP on a golfing holiday for two.
My wife spends hers on Ocado.
And now all of the mortgages are paid off, it’s only a matter of time before we sell Southwold’s ‘Beach Hut’  and consolidate with just the two McCarthy & Stones.

An artist's impression of the Shapps Family on holiday.

However.
It would seem that the Town Council here have given-up listening to the general public, and are going to hide behind this so-called ‘Pandemic’ in order to impose their Soviet-style authoritarianism a little further.
Not content with making us all wear face coverings in church, the Trots from the Cot are now trying to make us ride bikes!
Do you see Her Majesty or HRH Lord Peter Aldous ON A BIKE?
No!
Did Churchill defeat Merkel’s Hun ON A BIKE?
No!
Would anyone wishing to do an over-the-counter financial transaction at Barclays Bank do it ON A BIKE?
No!

I can see why Our Great Leader would want to get the feckless & work-shy that I encounter when visiting Lowestoft John (see yanny mac dwile flonker) ‘On Their Bikes’!
They’re all clearly obese, stupid and only capable of shopping at Primark.
A good cycle down English country lanes would do them no end of good.
(Although it might frighten my horses! LOL!)

But insisting that we do this collectively, as an alternative to driving everywhere, and with little or no regard to the precious oil industry that supplies my family with disposable income through index-linked financial products, is tantamount to commercial suicide !

A really stupid cyclist distances herself from a phone-box, in a town TOTALLY CLEAR of Coronavirus, when there should be happily parked cars there instead.

We’ve all had a bit of Lockdown fun.
Some of us Shielded quite nicely whilst The Archers went awol.
Some of the Masses had a lovely furloughed holiday.
And a lot of us realised that the UK was an impenetrable fortress when it came to defending our shores from foreign invaders & kung flu.
But it’s time to get our economy back on track!
Baby Jesus’ father didn’t make Great Britain the greatest empire in history, and ensure that we were the Chosen Few, because of our ability to pedal furiously.
He chose us (and Her Majesty Good Queen Bess the Second) because we’re a shining example to others!

Hong Kong was Corvid-free when it was ours.
The Falklands never went ‘a bit Peru’.
And Panama will always count its coffers in Great British Pounds Sterling.

I urge our trendy & youthful Town Mayor, our Vulnerable Folk with cash to spend, our eco-warrior councillors with their Terradactyl crisp wrapper schemes, and our law-abiding Blue Badge wielding motor enthusiasts, to come together, to act as one, to make bygones be bygones, put the future aside, embrace the 1980s, and TEAR DOWN THOSE BARRIERS!

If it’s good enough for Grant Shapps’ florist, it’s good enough for the proud business owners of the Waveney Valley!

NOT IN MY BACK-YARD MISTER CORBYN!

God save the Queen & her delightfully progressive family.